sweet dreams

 this is the first night i've had to relax after a long, long time of busy stressfulness. so for today's post, here's an old painting from '06 about sleep and vivid dreamies. now it's time for me to sleep and have vivid dreamies.

interactions

i had three separate instances within a few short hours of people acknowledging my disability. at work, some kids like to ask me questions about why or how i'm in a wheelchair. fully acceptable, seeing as they are young, curious, and respectful. today, one girl asked me if my legs were feeling better. that was a first for me, i guess i've never been around a curious stranger enough for them to expect me to at some point get better. i legitmately had no idea how to repsond, so i said i was feeling good with a smile and thanked her for her concern. it was kind of adorable, but caught me way off guard.

the second. one of the teachers at work told me if i'm ever walking by her room, to stop in and check out her bulletin board. she cut herself off in embarrassment and apologized for telling me to "walk." i honestly hadn't even noticed she said it in the first place, it's such a natural phrase to say. even i talk about walking places myself out of habit, which i'm sure makes some people squirm but that's their problem. i assured her it was cool and that i didn't care. she probably left still feeling stupid, but i give her major credit for acknowledging it instead letting the awkward silent lack-of-acknowledgement take over. i hate when people feel they need to tip toe around their words near me, but if they feel stupid, i'd rather have them say something and know i legitimately don't care rather than trailing off thinking i'm sitting there secretly offended or upset.

third! a woman stranger asked me if i had hurt myself. when i told her it was just some freak thing that happened a long time ago, she explained how she had cancer, lost all her hair and now has it growing back. what she was basically saying was these random events are thrown into our lives, and we have to just get through them. we have to just deal with it, and that's all we can do. it was kind of an odd, but truthful moment. it's funny how different every interaction centered around my disability is, considering how often it comes up.

in a rut

the remaining days of march are dedicated to finishing my 3B pieces. the entire month of april will be mainly focusing on customizing as many munnyworld figures as possible. kidrobot is having another major customizing contest, with even bigger and better rewards than last year's. inlcuding once again, the grand prize of a design in the next dunny series. for you non-toy lovers, that's a huge deal. last year's contest was a huge success for me, having both my munny's win for two different categories. double time! it was especially exciting, since one of my favorite toy designer was the judge to chose my armadillo, mr. grubtini, as the winner for "best animal." i can't expect another win like that, it still feels like a fluke. that doesn't mean i can't hope! of course i want more than anything to win, win something, win anything, but i'm really happy to have this motivation (aka an excuse) to customize a ton of figures. i always want to make new ones, but life and artsy obligations keep getting in my way. so maybe a month of customizing will get it out of my system for a short while, or even better, encourage me to put it at the top of my list.

unforunately, the "top of my list" is never the top. lately, i've been struggling with the direction my art has been going in. it sounds dumb, but i feel like i'm losing myself as an artist and i feel like i don't have anything significant to show for myself and i put off the things that i truly want to be doing. i spend a lot of my time making personalized pieces for others, instead of focusing on my own artistic visions. the rest of the time i spend on "little" or quick pieces (though there really is no such thing as a piece too little.) i love and enjoy all of what i do, but much of it has felt really shallow for quite some time now. i really need to make some changes to get my art back on track the way i feel it should be.

i try to do way too many different types of work. too many different styles, themes, too many pets(!). i'm considering putting a hold on taking any commissions that aren't specific to my work, but i'm torn since i love the idea of having something i made by hand in all different locations, private or not. people get what they get for a reason, because it's special and i love to be a part of that. starting in may, i am going to start making some serious paintings of some or all the ideas i've had for what feels like forever. no more "quick" paintings, made just so i can feel like i've accomplished something in my limited time. i want to do more complex, thought out pieces that actually express and convey the things i see or feel in my life. even if it takes an entire month to finish one piece, this is what needs to happen in order to grow into who i want to be artistically. it's going to be really frustrating seeing as i have no attention span and get bored way too quickly, but i really believe it will help me learn patience and become a better artist. at least i hope.

papabear bobblehead

i spent literally the entire weeked painting, aside from attending an art show my talented cousin was in. it was in an old house transformed into a gallery, on a huge farm in the middle of nowhere, and it was beautiful. such a fantastic idea to display art there, and the whole gallery atmosphere completely takes over to the point that you wouldn't even realize it was actually a normal house. and! i am so close to finishing my 3B pieces, i can taste it...

but onto more important things:

my dad is a goofy looking man, so i really enjoy making different kinds of cartoony pictures of him in different ways. big goofy glasses, big doofy mustache, a little pea-head. too easy.  i've become an obsessive "the office" fanatic, and bought a dwight schrute bobblehead when i found it super cheap, but when it arrived, the head was already snapped off. they sent a new one, and i've been waiting to find a reason to fix and use the broken bobblehead and this just had to be it. my dad's birthday was in january, so i decided to make him this customized bobblehead of himself.  i was amused, and he seemed to be as well because let's face it. he's goofy and it's funny. 

i did have some issues with the final product. to make this of him, i added some clay to adjust the glasses, his mustache, and hair. as i was making it i didn't really get the whole "dad" vibe from it, which normally i get immediately whenever making anything of him. i was worried, but figured it would turn out fine in the end since that's almost always the case. unfortunately, i don't feel that was the case this time. the glasses feel a little peter-griffin-ish, and i realized why it doesn't look as much like him as i'd hoped. my dad has a very round head, like a pea. i think the original longer face/head of the dwight bobblehead is the problem, and i regret not noticing that i needed to adjust the shape of the head.

but it's still funny and dad-ish!

haha !

dunebuggy!

yesterday while i was leaving work, a little ol' woman offered to get the door for me. i graciously said i got it, and she responds with "i'm sure you do. you get around good in that lil ol' dune buggy!"

my wheelchair may now only be referred to as a "dune buggy" from this point on.

toy legs

i think my blog needs more disability stories...

yesterday, i was using my feet as toys to play with my sister's dog. i know people do that all the time with dogs, but we all know i can't move my legs. as in, i had to physically pick up my legs and wiggle them around. as in, i was sitting in my room by myself wobbling around with full sized legs in my hands bouncing them with shrieks of horrific laughter coming from my mouth. as in, i looked absolutely insane. just picture it in your head. do it. who's uncomfortable?! this is what handicapped people do for fun. at least that's the word on the street. but she bit and nipped at them with the kind of enthusiasm you can only get from an adorable pup. i don't know what's worse. that i did this, that i was laughing really hard at myself while doing it, or that i'm writing this. does this count as a disability story? i'm sorry, i haven't been getting enough sleep lately. i'm so tired....

does posting one of my old but cute puppy paintings make up for the text portion of this post?

3B sneak peek #2

my pieces for the autumn society's upcoming 3B show : back to the future, bill and ted's excellent adventure, and beetlejuice (sequel to last year's 3G show ) are far from finished, but they're coming along. i showed you a tiny preview of my beetlejuice painting, now here's a mini teaser from my back to the future piece. it's a teeny tiny close up from a much larger painting. show opens may 5 at gallery 1988 venice (santa monica, california), keep a look out for more updates!

movies, tv, and wheelchairs

i recently went to see the movie "take me home tonight," which was cute, funny and finally a movie that makes me love topher grace as much as i did when he was on "that 70's show." the 80's are my absolute favorite which only made my love for this movie grow that much more. go see it! the reason i bring this up, is the awkwardly hilarious demetri martin played a character in a wheelchair, naturally resulting in lots of funny handicap jokes. my favorite. these jokes pop up all over the place: "family guy" has some of the funniest and best (or worst, depending how you look at it) with their not-very-likeable character joe. one hysterical episode of "the IT crowd" (watch the video clip below, but i recommend watching the entire episode for the full effect. series 2: episode 1.) one of my favorites, "the ex" with jason bateman is pure gold (photo on right). i don't know if i find these kinds of jokes so humorous because it's really that funny, or because it makes life easier to be able to laugh at myself. probably both.

a quick explanation of what's going on in the short clip below from "the IT crowd."  3 friends went to see a musical. one of them gets caught using the handicap bathroom, so he fakes being disabled. the other gets caught using the staff bathroom, so he fakes being an employee. this is the scene where the 3 friends meet up:

(definitely watch the entire episode if possible. "the IT crowd" series 2: episode 1. it kills me.)

despite my protesting against seeing a movie on a friday night, i did see "take me home tonight" in the theater, packed with a body in every seat. i couldn't help but think everyone's eyes or minds are on me whenever a handicap joke was told. this goes for theaters with strangers, tv with friends, comedy shows, anywhere you might find someone poking fun at the disabled. when a joke is unexpectedly told, i just imagine faces of shock or embarrassment, with wide eyes, hands covering mouths. pointing. or the light nudge from person to person in reference to me, in the chair. or the awkward silence because they're afraid to laugh. i'm being a dramatic, but i know we all know the feeling when an "offensive" joke is said about a person's problems/physical appearance/race/religion/etc when that type of person is in the room with you. even though it's not offensive, it's funny.

i get a little uncomfortable with the idea that people are probably listening or laughing at these jokes with me in the back of their mind. the worst part is i can tell even some friends and acquaintances get "oh no, i hope she's not offended" crap in their heads. as for strangers in public, there might be some people out there who have the awkward reaction, but i'm sure majority of the people are actually enjoying the movie rather than thinking about some random wheelchair girl that they may or may not have noticed for 10 seconds.

...but of course i assume their attention is on me. i think about this all the time, but i brought it up to my manly man this time, and surprisingly he's even had these same suspicions as me before. so silly.

the best ever was family guy's willy wonka episode. joe can't go into wonka's factory because it's inaccessible.  i can't find a clip, but here is the song for your amusement !

"Chumba Woomba, gobble dee goo, life isn't fair, it's sad but it's true. Chumba Woomba gobble dee gee, when your poor legs are as stiff as a tree. What do you do when you're stuck in a chair? Finding it hard to go up and down stairs. What do you think of the one you call god? Isn't his absence slight-ly-odd? Maybe he's forgotten you!

Chumba Wumba, gobble dee gorse, count yourself lucky you're not a horse. They would turn you into dog food. Oompa, chumba, wumba, gobble dee gorse!"

....hyserical.

3B sneak peek

aside from checking out an art show (see bottom!), the rest of my weekend was 100% devoted to stressing out trying to get as much painting done as possible. which meant turning down lots of fun things to do, but i luckily actually had some self discipline. who's ready for another amazing autumn society show?! the sequel to last year's  3G show is coming to gallery 1988 this may. last year we paid tribute to three 80's films starting with the letter G. ghostbusters, goonies, and gremlins.  this year, we have 3B! back to the future, bill and ted's excellent adventure, and...BEETLEJUICE! i can't begin to describe how excited i am to make a piece for one of my favorite movies of all time.

when i was deciding on an idea for beetlejuice, i actually got depressed because i can't do more than one. these two images are just a teeny tiny sneak

peek/teaser of my beetlejuice piece. they are part of a much larger piece, but if you recognize them, i love you.

the show opens may 5 at gallery 1988's new venice location (santa monica, california)

get excited!

Poster art by Glen Brogan

quick note: this weekend, i dropped by paradigm gallery & studio in philadelphia to see the autumn society's "age of reptiles" art show (curated by the talented anthony pedro) before it closed. i wasn't involved in the show, but i have a love for dinosaurs (i love over sized creatures) so i had to check it out. i finally got to meet some other autumn society members and fell in love with some of the artwork. if you love dinosaurs as much as i do, check out the pieces from the show, plus a video from opening night here.

love on bangs art show

happy day-late st. patricks day!

check out some photos of the "little bit of love on bangs" art show at the bdc in february! i sent my buddy bryan on a mission to do my dirty work for me, meaning take photos of some of the work in the show.  there was lots of lovey-dovey art, valentiney presents, and other fun stuff, including liberation skate who i had the pleasure of meeting and planning some future collaborations with.

the opening was lovely as usual.

this was my little section of my mini paintings on wood. my 3 mushy 1EG'S and my 3 mushy KAOTIC KRITTERS.  as far as i know, just my boingy-hearted piece (the center 1EG with the bark) sold to a good home, which made me happy considering it was my favorite from the little series.

these woodcut, letterpress, watercolor, hand cut valentine cards on the left were beautiful and beautifully made. they were one of my favorites. the cards, along with the prettiful piece of the girl on the right were both done by marissa woodrow, a wonderful printmaker i met the night of the show. 

funsy artsy stuff, including the bundle of awesome paintings on the left by tj reddick.

rich falkiewicz's awesome cupid above

i'd show you the whole show, but i'm punishing you for not coming to see it, so you only get to see a few by various artists (here's that list of artists again):

the show wouldn't have been complete without some penis bananas. if that doesn't say "love," i don't know what does...

thanks for stopping by!

thanks again to the bdc for including me in another great show!

ouch!

on a way too frequent basis, i smash my knees into a table, or i run over my pinky toe, or get kicked in the legs, all accidentally of course, but my reaction is always "ouch!"

the discomfort of everyone around me who knows i can't feel pain is such a joy. i guess my brain knows it's supposed to hurt, so that's the automatic reaction. it's a reaction i don't think about or do on purpose...most of the time. my favorite is tricking people into thinking i'm legitimately in pain. i love it when they immediately know lying and that i'm just trying to make them feel awkward.  even better is when they won't realize at that moment that i'm a liar, sometimes it takes a bit to sink in and they'll later on think "wait.. what?"

one of my favorite amusements in life is making people feel awkward about my disability. i've gotten angry reactions to my "jokes" (which is even more satisfying), but i can't stand the fact that people are genuinely uncomfortable around me to the point where they feel they need to tip toe around certain phrases (basically any common phrases that we all use with the words walk, stand, run, etc.), and even worse are the people who can't even look me in the eye, or anywhere at all.  i can't tell you how many conversations i haven't had with people because during these "conversations," they keep their heads high with their eyes locked on my standing friends/family, and maybe glance at me once, maybe. i may have an awkward personality, but i'm just sitting in a chair. with wheels. time to get over it, people.
whether or not i can see visible awkwardness, i made jokes when i'm not too busy being awkward myself. there's no reason anyone should feel uncomfortable, so i try to show that i'm not sensitive about it. i have legs that don't work and a big, annoying, but pretty purple chair. is that really so bad? my favorite people in the world are the ones who mock me and make constant handicap jokes.

my sincerest apologies to anyone i've ever made feel uncomfortable with my jokes or comments.

(i'm not really sorry. it's funny. )

i'm seven!

today i'd like to share a very one-sided conversation i had at work with a tiny little girl:

"why are you in a wheelchair? is it powered? i'm seven! i bet it's fun to be in a wheelchair. you don't have to walk. you can even be pushed!"

my favorite was the random "i'm seven!" thrown in there.  hilarious! yesterday, another older girl, probably 5th grade, asked me if it's fun to be in a wheelchair. i find it funny how many kids think it should be fun (which it can be, at times), and i even remember thinking the same thing when i was younger. a chair on wheels! that screams "fun" when you're 7.  what i find more funny is how many adults ask me if it's fun.... and that's just funny because it screams "i'm awkward!"

i'd like to explain this inadequate post. i've been lacking quality blog time, but i can blame that on actually being productive artistically! what a joy it has been, i've been feeling good.

i'm making up for my poor blogging by adding a quick postcard sketch i made for a friend for your viewing pleasure. just a little somethin' somethin'.  i'd also like to note that i think my 1EG's are shaping up nicely compared to when i first started long, long ago, and even compared to the fairly recent image above.  (this may or may not be an indication that a second contest is well on it's way... )

..but i may just think they're improving because i love them more every day. i'm not sure.

fur babies

here's a KAOTIC KRITTER commission i did recently of two kitty cats. bella, the black cat is clingy, lovable, affectionate, and loves to play, yet she has an extreme fear of strangers to the point that she'll hide or hiss at whoever comes to her home and even become violent when touched. she's been called "the demon cat" when she is actually very sweet. "she is our little jeckyl and hyde." sophie, the orange tabby, on the other hand, is needy, clumsy, affectionate, talkative with the loudest meow, with a "sack" that hangs below her mid section since she eats literally everything. after much rejection, sophia forced herself on bella and they're now inseparable.

i tried to get as much of the cats personalities in this painting as possible. i made sophie, with her chubby belly, cuddley and loving towards bella, while i attempted to give bella a loving but evil look by giving her one pleasant eye and one angry eye.
 
aaaand, fur babies is my first sale to canada. fun!

futurama cupcakes: round 2 AND where the wild things are cake !

FUTURAMA CUPCAKES ROUND 2!! after my decorating addiction began, i posted a facebook album with all of my attempts. someone from a lifetime ago saw my futurama cupcakes/cake and asked me to make them for a birthday. woohoo! i was psyched to have a second chance. i loved my first attempt at futurama cakes, but after having some practice (though i know i still need a lot more), i think they look a million times better. he wanted the main characters, zapp brannigan, and the rest i filled up with random side characters that i thought would be fun. i was just happy to get to do some different characters than the first time. so here they are!

( make sure you take a look at my first attempt from this past september to compare! )

i was pretty psyched to realize how much i love decorating cupcakes. i haven't had a real hobby in a long, long time, and frankly, i don't consider art to be a hobby. cupcake decorating is easily just a hobby, and i'm enjoying it more every time (at least the successful times.) it feels really good to have this in my life.

also, for my jessface's birthday, i made her a "where the wild things are" cake. i had no idea what i was doing, and i fully expected it to be a horrible mess, but i luckily was excited by the outcome. looky looky!

most of all i was excited about carol's hair. i've finally begun exploring with different tips and this one was perfect for hair. it looks so cool! (cooler in person, anyway.) so much exploring and experimenting to be done!!!

"from the bottom of my heart" art show

here they are, finally! photos of the art show at timeless tat2, "from the bottom of my heart." i sadly wasn't able to make it to the reception, thanks to the dreadful flu or cold or whatever kind of annoying sickness that ruined my life for 2+ weeks. i always like to see the shows i participate in if possible, so i dropped by the shop to say hi and see the show.. and take some crappy pictures to share with you, my interweb friends. (click any of the photos for a larger view)

as mentioned previously, the show took place at the timeless tat2, where i get all my prettiful tattoos. it's a very nice looking shop (as you can see.) the reception was the day before valentine's day, with the fantastical theme of "the darker side of love." my favorite. so you can see a variety of different interpretations and some really awesome pieces. if you like what you see, feel free to stop in and check out the show. it's up until april 1st, so there is still some time left! you can see in the photo that my piece "shared" sold (!!!) to a very nice guy who i unforunately didn't get to meet the night of the show, but luckily found me via facebook where we got to chat a bit. whenever possible, i like to thank those who buy any of my work. i sincerely appreciate it and get super excited every time!

above is chris stumpf's awesome painting (the giant one). he's the owner, and my amazing tattoo artist.

below is frank rudy's piece (on the right) who is one of the other fantastic tattoo artists there.

here are just a few more photos of the show:

there was even more work that isn't shown here, so i strongly suggest you check out timeless tat2's facebook album of all the pieces from the show, and you can check out who the artist of each piece is. i'm going to assume their album isn't private, but if it is, then add them, "like" them, do whatever it is that you do so you can see. stupid facebook.

thanks again to everyone at timeless. awesome show i'm proud to be a part of  !