FAT COW! this post isn't about being fat, but it is about exercising, and since i feel the need to post artwork, i felt this painting (2006) is closest i have to relate. it's a cow.
every couple months i look too long in the mirror and over analyze myself, or i see a picture that is either just a horrible pose or horrible angle (or just a horrible reality), and i get remarkably motivated to start exercising. unfortunately exercise is probably my my most hated activity of all time (not really, but it is up there). my morning routine is already so annoyingly long and draining, that to add another hour or so of something i don't even remotely enjoy doing drove me insane. the last time i had a work out routine going was maybe 8+ months ago with great motivation and enthusiasm, but that unfortunately ended after my trip to california in april, which i hate myself for.
there are two problems, my belly and my arms (and technically my legs, but i'm over that). my belly is my worst problem. as much as i hate the way it looks, my issues are larger than that. it's just a little gut, caused by the effects of gravity and my lack of muscle control. it just kind of sags, as unattractive as that sounds. i've tried in the past to work out my abs, but the fact that i can't actually feel them or know whether or not what i'm doing is working while i'm doing it, i get frustrated and my motivation drains out of me as quickly as it came. i've never seen results in the tummy area.. that may be my fault, or it may be physically impossible. they are actually called "quad guts," at least that's what i've read on the internet. if anyone makes fun of my quad gut or uses the term "quad gut" to my face, i'll punch you really hard. i've seen paraplegics with tight stomachs, but not everyone's injury level is the same and some people have control over areas that others do not (but to make myself feel better about my hatred for exercise and laziness, i'll just say i can't... ) that's the superficial side of it, but that's not my main issue. the bigger problem is the way it makes me feel. for lack of a better word, i just feel gross, physically. i feel unhealthy (though that is probably more of a diet issue..) , and basically i just feel flat out uncomfortable in my body. i don't know how else to explain it. maybe i'll try again one of these days...
the other, more important issue is my arms. everyone tells me how strong i must be, and you would think that'd be the case after pushing myself in a wheelchair for ten years. but when it comes to hills and pushing for long periods of time, i'm useless. not to mention my arms jiggle more than i'd like (superficial side, sorry). i spent a majority of this past weekend pushing myself around on all types of terrain at the philadelphia zoo and septemberfest in the park, uphill and downhill, and i needed more help than i would have liked from my so very helpful friend amanda. it was a reality check that i need more strength, and less jiggle! same with the stomach, this is something i haven't seen results on in the past, but i at least know for a fact it is possible. i want to try the shake weight, since it's video ad was so appealing. you know the one i'm talking about, with those naughty gestures. i have some serious self control issues where i don't know how to stop things i shouldn't do (binge-eating..), and i don't know how to stay committed to things i should do (work out..), but maybe this will be it! i just want to feel strong, and healthy for once. if anyone has any tips on how to stay motivated, that would be glorious.
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