in a rut

the remaining days of march are dedicated to finishing my 3B pieces. the entire month of april will be mainly focusing on customizing as many munnyworld figures as possible. kidrobot is having another major customizing contest, with even bigger and better rewards than last year's. inlcuding once again, the grand prize of a design in the next dunny series. for you non-toy lovers, that's a huge deal. last year's contest was a huge success for me, having both my munny's win for two different categories. double time! it was especially exciting, since one of my favorite toy designer was the judge to chose my armadillo, mr. grubtini, as the winner for "best animal." i can't expect another win like that, it still feels like a fluke. that doesn't mean i can't hope! of course i want more than anything to win, win something, win anything, but i'm really happy to have this motivation (aka an excuse) to customize a ton of figures. i always want to make new ones, but life and artsy obligations keep getting in my way. so maybe a month of customizing will get it out of my system for a short while, or even better, encourage me to put it at the top of my list.

unforunately, the "top of my list" is never the top. lately, i've been struggling with the direction my art has been going in. it sounds dumb, but i feel like i'm losing myself as an artist and i feel like i don't have anything significant to show for myself and i put off the things that i truly want to be doing. i spend a lot of my time making personalized pieces for others, instead of focusing on my own artistic visions. the rest of the time i spend on "little" or quick pieces (though there really is no such thing as a piece too little.) i love and enjoy all of what i do, but much of it has felt really shallow for quite some time now. i really need to make some changes to get my art back on track the way i feel it should be.

i try to do way too many different types of work. too many different styles, themes, too many pets(!). i'm considering putting a hold on taking any commissions that aren't specific to my work, but i'm torn since i love the idea of having something i made by hand in all different locations, private or not. people get what they get for a reason, because it's special and i love to be a part of that. starting in may, i am going to start making some serious paintings of some or all the ideas i've had for what feels like forever. no more "quick" paintings, made just so i can feel like i've accomplished something in my limited time. i want to do more complex, thought out pieces that actually express and convey the things i see or feel in my life. even if it takes an entire month to finish one piece, this is what needs to happen in order to grow into who i want to be artistically. it's going to be really frustrating seeing as i have no attention span and get bored way too quickly, but i really believe it will help me learn patience and become a better artist. at least i hope.